Feels great to be in the gym doing what I need to do for myself even though those that said they would keep me accountable and work out with me have never come through for me. It's time that I learn how to be disciplined and do things for my own self that need to be done. I have set myself up to look for the instant fix and the person in my life that will hold my hand and spoon feed me. I'm. Done. I find myself wanting to spend more time at home (even though it may be in my room) and reading or cleaning than being anywhere else (other than in the gym or out on a walk). It's time that I take time for me! My life and my importance isn't based on whether or not someone else needs me or loves me! What I find myself caring more and more about is simply that I know that I am in right standing with God and my husband. I desire for my family to love me, as any one does, but I think I have far too long placed WAY TOO much of my self worth on that. It doesn't matter that I have A friend or FIVE friends. I find that I have nothing nice to say about a lot of things and a lot of people so I'm choosing to stick to myself and to keep those not so nice things to myself. It's time that I pray through and past those feelings.
Tomorrow is going to be interesting. My precious niece is coming into the world with complications. I'll explain later. I just feel so distant from the whole situation. I guess the unexpectedness of the whole thing and it's my brother... I don't have a sister so the whole who's going to be at the hospital business sounds like it's going to be hectic. I don't do well in settings with a bunch of people I don't know in a small space. Lord, give me the peace I need for tomorrow and the wisdom and steady hands for all involved.
I guess that's all for now. Time to go lay down. Hopefully tonight will be a night of restful sleep!
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