TODAY IS THE DAY!!!

I'm getting ready to leave the house to go to the hospital... My precious niece is joining us today!!! :)

Today is a new day... and so is tomorrow

The title being a reminder to myself... I'm on a mission... A mission to better myself in so many ways. To distance myself from unhealthy relationships of all kinds and form new ones that are healthy and beneficial. I'm finally beginning to lose weight again, not just maintain where I left off when I stopped taking meds.





Feels great to be in the gym doing what I need to do for myself even though those that said they would keep me accountable and work out with me have never come through for me. It's time that I learn how to be disciplined and do things for my own self that need to be done. I have set myself up to look for the instant fix and the person in my life that will hold my hand and spoon feed me. I'm. Done. I find myself wanting to spend more time at home (even though it may be in my room) and reading or cleaning than being anywhere else (other than in the gym or out on a walk). It's time that I take time for me! My life and my importance isn't based on whether or not someone else needs me or loves me! What I find myself caring more and more about is simply that I know that I am in right standing with God and my husband. I desire for my family to love me, as any one does, but I think I have far too long placed WAY TOO much of my self worth on that. It doesn't matter that I have A friend or FIVE friends. I find that I have nothing nice to say about a lot of things and a lot of people so I'm choosing to stick to myself and to keep those not so nice things to myself. It's time that I pray through and past those feelings.

Tomorrow is going to be interesting. My precious niece is coming into the world with complications. I'll explain later. I just feel so distant from the whole situation. I guess the unexpectedness of the whole thing and it's my brother... I don't have a sister so the whole who's going to be at the hospital business sounds like it's going to be hectic. I don't do well in settings with a bunch of people I don't know in a small space. Lord, give me the peace I need for tomorrow and the wisdom and steady hands for all involved.

I guess that's all for now. Time to go lay down. Hopefully tonight will be a night of restful sleep!

A Lot to Take In

Well... progress has been made, but it's really hard not to be disappointed in the progress. I've lost 5.5lbs in 10 days. How can I complain about that?!? I still just don't feel it yet, I guess. Maybe the day I get to go buy new pants... I'm close to that line because I've actually rid myself of 20lbs since mid April. I'm very proud of myself for that. I just can't find the time or the $ to work out. I'm really really really frustrated about that... I start back to school August 30th and I'll have access to the gym on campus - then I get down on myself when I realize I'll only have time to use that gym once a week. UGH! There is NO time for ME. Look at this ridiculous schedule I'll have...
Monday: Substitute teach / homework for class on Tue
Tuesday: Class from 8-3:15 / Work at Central Market 4-8pm
Wednesday: Substitute Teach/Church with sound check @ 6 for the youth band and find time for homework for Thursday
Thursday: Class from 10-3:15 / Work at Central Market 4-8pm
Friday: Substitute teach in a town 45 minutes from home, but it is a special education school (I'm a special education major) / Try to get any homework done so I can actually, maybe have a weekend...
Saturday: WOW... nothing planned right now... WOW
Sunday: Church at 10:30 / Homework if necessary / Youth band practice around 6pm.

Now. I'm sorry if I just dumped on you guys. I guess I'm just frustrated A LOT right now with life. For those of you who don't know... My husband is epileptic, as we found out in September 2007. We had been married almost 3 years and our marriage had been pure bliss. I married my high school sweetheart and now I struggle on a daily basis just to sleep in the same room, much less the same bed as him. We've been living with his mom, sister and nephew since that time and he just started working 2 months ago, for the first time since we found out about his epilepsy... Money has been so so so tight we couldn't see straight for so long. I've been on a closing schedule at work for almost 4 months now... I work 2:30-11pm most days and I think that is contributing to my lack of weight loss... That will obviously change in the fall, but I'm overwhelmed with the fall schedule all the same, but it can't be helped...

Thank you for listening... Thank you for your support and encouragement.

School

Well, the first week of classes is OVER. Wow. It was actually very enjoyable. I needed to get out and do something different. I met a few people and like my classes... Public Speaking and English II. My professors are great. My public speaking professor is lovely. She is laid back, easy going and it appears that it's going to be a good class. English II professor on the other hand is hard to read. She is nice, calls us all 'darlings' often and announced today that she is very politically incorrect. We've all noticed this by this point. She has no reserves with her verbiage. Quite entertaining.

Thomas and I have a donut shop here in Port Arthur that we LOVE. They're a bakery... makes all the difference in the world. I have been trying really hard to eat healthier and more whole grains and stuff like that so my blood sugar stays in check more often. Well, I told Thomas we could spend just a few dollars and have donuts to celebrate my first day of class. They were EXCELLENT.


Got my parking pass on Monday and waiting for my student ID to come in the mail. My campus is very pretty once your in it and walking around. Took a few pics for ya...




Thomas' aunt Helen called last night and invited us over for ribs and other yummy food on Sunday. I'm looking forward to it and i'm not. Long story. It will be super nice to be out and about and seeing the scenery and visiting with family. I'm especially looking forward to a super yummy dinner. I don't know that I've ever had anything that Uncle Jessie cooked that I didn't like. AND we get to watch the Cowboys kick some Viking ASS! That'll be the best part, I think. =)

Getting ready to video chat with my brother. Talk atcha in a few days. ;)

Interesting

Well, today has been interesting. Yes, another emotional roller coaster of a day but I think I'm beginning to get used to that. I totally appreciate Beck and Jeff helping me out with the whole job issue. It's always been easy for me to hand out my opinions and Godly advise but it's never been easy for me to apply it to my own life.

Thomas and I visited a non-denominational church right around the corner from the house this morning. It's called Triumph. It's a branch from another church in Dallas, but I couldn't catch what church they said that was. Worship was good. Lots of voices on stage and power packed. I was more observing than participating today. I didn't know any of the songs, except for one, which made it difficult to participate as well. Preaching seemed sound and pretty good. I'm not sure we'll be back just because of who Thomas is. I liked it, I think, but he didn't from what I gathered from him after the service.



Last night I put up some pics I brought with me and had a few printed to make it feel a little more homey for Thomas and I. I've never been the one that tapes things all over my mirror, but this time I did and I like it. It's neat to walk into our room and see pics of most of our family and friends... It's made is a little easier for me.


Tomorrow is another day... going to be busy too. I need to go up to the school and get my student ID, books and parking permit. Classes begin on Tuesday and I'm ready to get started. I need something to occupy my thoughts and time. Also, tomorrow I will hear either way from Buffalo Wild Wings. The manager that interviewed me said that if I don't hear from her by 1 tomorrow to call. If she calls me, I get to go in, do some paperwork and start training tomorrow night. Kinda nervous, kinda not.

God's got it ALL under control.........

Felling OK - kinda sad

I'm super happy for my preggo friend, Alesha. She's pretty sure she's beginning to feel her precious baby move. I wish I was there for the experience but oh well... =(

On a happy note, I hit the treadmill this morning. Granny has one here at the house thats a pretty nice and new one. There's no more excuses. Did a mile in 19:21 with an incline. Not too bad for the first time on the darn thing in several months. It's pretty cool. There's a port for me to plug my ipod into with speakers so I can listen to my music without earphones while walking. I'm doing my best to do a much better job at what i'm eating as well. I'm so sick of looking at myself in the mirror. It's rather disgusting.

I go talk with the manager at Applebee's tonight... Well, I'm calling him at 5 to see if he has a sec to meet with me. Who knows, I just might head up there. Haven't decided yet.

Made contact with Thomas' Aunt Belinda who lives around the corner and his cousin Felicia who lives in the area today. Hopefully we'll get to go visit with some peeps this weekend...

Decision - Made

So. I was awarded my financial aide today. Very exciting. I was getting very nervous. There's been a rather large change in plans for me down here though and I'm super excited about it. You all know what my schedule looked like. It was 12 hours and crazy all over the place. WELL... It is now 6 hours and i'll be on campus from 9:30 - 12:15 on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Here's why: I was looking over my degree plan given to me at Lamar U. I've seen my degree plan for UNT several times thanks to Shelly since we're on the same degree plan... First of all. I should be going into college algebra and LU is making me take another remedial math... Second - my degree plan for LU has intro to theater and philosophy of knowledge on it. Third - because I am being required to take a remedial math, I'm not allowed to take any science classes at all. I was rather bummed and kinda upset that I was so limited on class choices. SO... after texting with Shelly and talking with Thomas, he and I decided that going to half time, taking the two classes I know will transfer and working as much as possible. Thomas was very pleased with that decision because he knows it will be the most beneficial for the both of us for now. I'll be able to work as much as I can and I will be able to enjoy being here and seeing the sights. It's not ideal as I would like to move my way through school ASAP, but truthfully, this is the best choice for now. It's senseless to waist time and money on a class that won't transfer. I have to say, I'm very pleased and excited about this decision actually.

On another note - I think Grandpa is really enjoying and benefiting from Thomas being here. He feels better with a male around and Thomas is encouraging him to do his daily exercises.

I've always said God knows what's going on and he's in control. It's beginning to come forth. Praise the Lord.

Thanks to everyone for thoughts and prayers.